Check Your Shelf Life Cleggy Boy

A Lettuce 

Lettuce originated in the Mediterranean area so is foreign and non-indigenous to Britain. The character of lettuce is such that it cannot be preserved. It is available only as a fresh plant. The darker the leaves, the more healthy is the lettuce, a pale, iceberg lettuce is virtually devoid of nourishment although it is used quite liberally in some parts of England where people are too thick to know the difference between what is good and bad.

It also makes a useless weapon, it can't talk, it's head has to be cut off, and it wouldn't be here if people didn't bother eating them. Lastly, it turns to rotten mush if left in the air too long and it begins to stink to high heaven as it decomposes.

Now this is another variety which you should know about in case you are confused and pick Nick Clegg instead of a lettuce.

Another Type of Lettuce

There isn't that much different between the two varieties except this one has a nodding head which nods at David Cameron when David Cameron tells him to get back up the steps at the end of his TV 'debates'. (Think we didn't notice that Nick)?

But on this occasion, Nick Clegg (or is it Cactus Clegg), since Clegg set fire to two greenhouses along with the owners prize cacti collection, which I imagine was rather precious and expensive on a visit to Germany.

Incidentally did Clegg pay damages for his wanton act of vandalism and was he arrested for arson?

Anyway, this wet Liberal lettuce is said to have made a 'fierce' attack on the British National party today.

Maybe one of you were hurt, if so please call in and we'll offer psychological support and counselling for this horrendous attack that must surely have caused devastation in the ranks of BNP patriots?

It's just he called the BNP an "evil, vile, and fascist organisation" today, and you see, if any of our prize collection of patriots felt damaged by being hit with a wet Liberal lettuce, then you really should seek support.

Apparently, this arsonist does you see because he doesn't actually have the guts to debate with Nick Griffin, or call him that to his face. Instead, he nods his head when Searchlight, UAF and David Cameron tell him to, so I guess his future is going to be about the same as the top variety of lettuce when he's left on the shelf and has spent too long in the open air.

Like the lettuce above, Nick Clegg cannot be preserved, he's a fresh plant, he'll turn to rotten mush soon, he provides little or no nourishment to politics and will soon begin to stink to high heaven as very soon he'll be off the menu and will be fully decomposed in around 15 days time.